Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran said his on-field woes during the 2021 and 2022 seasons fueled his mental health struggles to the point that he attempted suicide.
Duran, interviewed for the docuseries “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox,” which will premiere Tuesday on Netflix, said not meeting his own expectations — as well as disappointing others — pushed him to a very dark place.
“I was already hearing it from fans,” Duran said in the docuseries. “And what they said to me, [it was like], ‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.’ That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.”
“… I got to a point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened. So, to this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off. I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason’, so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off. I was like, ‘Do I want to be here, or do I not want to be here?’ That happened for a reason and obviously you’re here for a reason, so let’s be the way you want to be and play [the way] you want to play and live the way you want to live.”
Duran, 28, entered the majors with the Red Sox as a rookie in 2021, hitting .215 with 10 RBIs in 33 games. The following season was only slightly better, with him hitting .221 with 17 RBIs in 58 games.
His career, however, started its upward trajectory in 2023 after he was recalled from Triple-A early in the season. He hit .295 with 40 RBIs in 102 games, stealing 24 bases and scoring 46 runs. He became a first-time All-Star in 2024 and was MVP of that game, and he set career highs that season in home runs (21), runs (111), RBIs (75) and stolen bases (34).
Duran, who finished eighth in MVP voting, avoided arbitration this offseason, reaching a one-year deal for $3.85 million that includes a team option for 2026.
“Jarren’s decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,” Red Sox president and CEO Sam Kennedy said in a statement. “By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential.
“Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”
Duran was suspended two games last season for uttering an anti-gay slur at a fan. He apologized, telling fans that he was “sorry for my actions” and that “I’m gonna work on being better for them.”
In the docuseries, Duran said he keeps a daily journal and gives himself little reminders to help him focus on his mental health.
“On [the tape on] my left wrist, I write, ‘[F—] ’em,’ because it’s me telling my demons, ‘You’re not going to faze me’,” Duran said in the docuseries. “And on my right wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ because I’m still here and I’m still fighting.”
