Saint Joseph’s just lost the Holy War forever because of the new Pope

I’m Jewish, from New York, and did not even attend a religious school past elementary. I should have no input on any of this. But even I was struck by how down bad Saint Joseph’s University must be right now.

For some background and a little history lesson:

There are hundreds of Judeo-Christian schools in America, all from different denominations. Some schools are evangelical, some schools are Lutheran, some schools are Baptist, some non-denominational. Most of those schools are in the south.

Those schools are all different branches of Protestantism, which is the form of Christianity that broke off from the Catholic church in the 16th century after Martin Luther’s (born on Nov. 10, shoutout birthday twin but 521 years earlier, shoutout Ted Williams, 521 career home runs) 95 Theses and when King Henry VIII established the Church of England and broke away from the Catholic Church so that he could divorce his wife.

However, in the northeast U.S. (among other places), Catholicism is still a pretty big deal. Of the six states with the highest percentages of Catholics in the country, five of them are in the northeast. Because of this, the northeast is LITTERED with small Catholic schools.

The conference that I cover — the MAAC — is full of them. But similar to Protestantism having major denominations, Roman Catholicism has orders.

The major orders of Catholicism are Dominicans (not the people from the D.R., this is what Providence is), Franciscans (think St. Bonaventure or Siena), Jesuits (this is what Saint Joseph’s is, along with schools such as Boston College, Fairfield, Fordham, Gonzaga, etc…), Benedictines (somehow, nobody in Division I), and there are a few others.

So … what is Pope Leo XIV? He’s an Augustinian.

There are only two institutions of higher learning that fall under the Augustinian order in the United States. Merrimack College (MAAC MENTIONED) and Villanova, the alma mater of the new holy father.

Saint Joseph’s has won its last two basketball games against Villanova. It has won the Big 5 Championship two years in a row. It has the best mascot in mid-major basketball.

Most importantly, it is actually a Philadelphia school (slightly debatable, the Hawk Hill campus is on the very border of Philadelphia city limits). Villanova’s campus? Not so much.

But at the end of the day, the rivalry between these two school is called the “Holy War,” and what is more holy than having an alumnus be the leader of the world’s 1.4 billion Roman Catholics.

Had Leo XIV just been an Augustinian and not even a Villanova alumnus, that would be an upper hand in its own right. After all, he’s the first Augustinian pope, and it comes directly after the death of Pope Francis, who was the first Jesuit pope. Saint Joseph’s could run the “we have a Pope and you don’t” line for just over a decade, only for it to backfire in the most embarrassing way possible.

Until SJU gets a pontiff of its own, all the basketball games can go to the Hawks, but all a Villanova fan or alumnus has to do is allude to the papacy, and Joe’s fans will have no possible response.

The argument is over.

Then, I was alerted to something that just adds even more insult to injury. The Prior Provincial of the Augustinian church in Philadelphia (I think this is what this means) is named Robert Hagan.

HAGAN. The very name that is on the front of Saint Joseph’s basketball arena.

This can obviously be taken one of two ways. The first being that St. Joe’s has exerted influence over the Augustinian church, and taken dominance in that regard.

But in light of the Pope being an Augustinian Villanova grad, it make significantly more sense that this is the Augustinian church flexing its muscles to Saint Joseph’s.

Look, as I said at the start, I’m just a Jewish guy from New York. Why did I write 700 words on something I definitely don’t understand? Because this is Mid-Major Madness!

If there’s something for Joe’s fans to take pride in, it’s the fact that this is almost definitely the first Pope to:

Know what college basketball is.
Know what the Big 5 is.
Know that Saint Joseph’s University has a basketball team.
Have been disappointed about his school losing to Saint Joseph’s in basketball (or any other sport).
Have filled up his gas tank and eaten at a Wawa.