Saturday Bowl Open Thread: LET’S. GO. BOWLING.

Eight bowls. Most are terrible. Let’s get weird.

Go Bowling Military Bowl

Pittsburgh Panthers vs. East Carolina Pirates10am | ESPN | Pitt -10.5 | O/U 53.5at Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium (Annapolis, MD)

What I’m excited for: East Carolina starting quarterback Mike Wright. The super-senior transfer, most recently at Northwestern, turned up in Greenville and proved willing to do anything—he’s turned up at wide receiver/quarterback (18 runs for 74 yards and 6 catches for 39 yards), defensive back (1 INT!) and punter(!!!) (5 punts, 36.2 avg). Now, because of a raft of transfers—including QB Katin Houser and the Pirates’ #2 WR, #1 TE, and #1 RB, as well as both the OC and DC—East Carolina will start Wright. Go Pirates.

Pinstripe Bowl

Penn State Nittany Lions vs. Clemson Tigers11am | ABC | Clemson -2.5 | O/U 47.5at Yankee Stadium (Bronx, New York, New York)

What I’m excited for: It to be over.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl

UConn Huskies vs. Army Black Knights1:15pm | ESPN | Army -7.5 | O/U 42.5at Fenway Park (Boston, MA)

What I’m excited for: the potential that this game breaks down and the Huskies get into an accident shootout with the Black Knights. The problem? UConn coach Jim Mora Jr. is off to Colorado State, and both QB Joe Fagnano (opt-out) and RB Cam Edwards (transfer portal), plus the next three RBs on the Huskies’ roster, are all gone, as are both tackles, a starting guard, and 8 TDs’ worth of production from the tight end room.

Star WR Skyler Bell is supposedly playing for UConn, though, so there’s that!

Pop-Tarts Bowl

#22 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. #12 BYU Cougars2:30pm | ABC | BYU -3.5 | O/U 55.5at Camping World Stadium (Orlando, FL)

What I’m excited for: Beyond the ritual sacrifice of the Pop-Tart? Not much. I find BYU loathesome and don’t trust Georgia Tech to do anything other than general random numbers. Could be fun, but I’ve seen too much Bear fucking Bachmeier to be optimistic.

Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl

Miami Hydroxide RedHawks vs. Fresno State Bulldogs3:30pm | The CW (also that shitty company?) | Fresno -5.5 | O/U 41.5at Arizona Stadium (Tucson, AZ)

What I’m excited for: Snoop, I guess?

Otherwise, not much. The RedHawks’ QB, Dequan Finn, is gone, and leading WR Kam Perry hit the transfer portal. Fresno’s got basically everyone, but they’re not very good.

Gildan* New Mexico Bowl

#25 North Texas Mean Green vs. San Diego State Aztecs4:45pm | ESPN | UNT -6.5 | O/U 53.5at University Stadium (Albuquerque, NM)

What I’m excited for: POIIIIIIIINTS

Mean Green QB Drew Mestemaker is all-in for the bowl game, but RB Caleb Hawkins took a knock in the AAC Championship and with HC Eric Morris off to Oklahoma State and OC Jordan Davis off to East Carolina, there’s not much “there” left in Denton outside Mestemaker and his wide receivers.

Will that be enough against a San Diego State team that keeps most of its…uh…offensively-challenged team? Who knows! Who cares! Let’s enjoy some bowl games in the Southwest.

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl

#19 Virginia Cavaliers vs. Missouri Tigers6:30pm | ABC | Mizzou -4.5 | O/U 44at EverBank Stadium (DUUUUUUVAL)

What I’m excited for: The fact that my friends’ Quizmas starts around 5pm, and I’ll be drinking batch margaritas and reading bad house-written (read: me-written) trivia by then. I will not watch this game.

If you care, Mizzou has lost both its OC Kirby Moore (now HC at Washington State) and QB Beau Pribula (transfer portal). They are still favored by 4.5 over Virginia, because the Cavaliers—like the rest of the ACC—are complete frauds.