Stepping Up to Deal with Conflicts

This time of year, with playoffs coming, stress and pressure can get to people. Before you know it, teammates are letting minor disagreements get out of hand and the team can start to break apart. Finger pointing and prolonged petty disagreements are not the way to win championships. Think about the winning teams that you’ve seen.  Even teams that don’t seem to have the talent to match up with their opponents win championships when they find powerful ways to work together.  

What happens if you have a conflict with a teammate? What do you do if a player on your own team causes trouble for you and other teammates? We’ve shared prior blogs on dealing with  challenging personalities  and  finding and building team chemistry. This time, we’re offering specific tips on what to do when you need to talk with one of your teammates about something he has said or done. Here are some suggestions for how to handle things before you talk, while you talk, and after you talk with a teammate. 

Before You Talk 

Keep an open mind. Don’t  fall into the trap of believing that you know what  anyone  else is  thinking and why. You can only guess.
Decide  what you want to happen after  your conversation with your teammate. Make your goal realistic. Don’t have a goal for him to “be a better teammate.” Be much  more specific.  Maybe you want him “to understand that  being  so critical can hurt the team” or “to know why you want him to stop criticizing younger players when they strike out.”
Be ready NOT to get mad even if he says something you don’t like. If you let your  emotions get out of control, you will make things worse. Being prepared  (just like on the field) can help you deal with whatever happens.  

When You Talk  

Be direct. Talk about  something specific that you saw or heard and why it bothered you or how  you think it affects the team. Don’t say “stop being a jerk.” Be specific,  say “yesterday you got on the younger guys when they struck out and then, they  all started to press. I think they need your advice instead.”
Listen to what your teammate has to say. If he gets angry, remind him that you all want to  win and you need  everyone  to play their best. Make sure you understand his point of view.
Talk about  specific  solutions. “If you see what the younger guys  are doing  wrong, tell them. If you don’t, let coach handle it. We need those guys loose this  week.”  

After You Talk 

Follow up on anything that  you said you would do as part of the solution. Set an example.
Hold your teammate  accountable. Don’t drop it if the guy goes back to his old ways. Remind  him privately about what you talked about. Don’t give up. Winners don’t  give up on or off the field.